I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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