my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
