I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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