That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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