Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize