So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
