Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
