I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
