FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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