Define "chronic" masturbator.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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