Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
