your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
