I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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