i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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