I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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