...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
