I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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