I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
