There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm at about main and main street
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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