If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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