how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
whose parrot is this?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
