my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
