Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
