I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
