Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
