I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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