Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
