in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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