Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize