Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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