6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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