Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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