They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
