i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
