Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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