Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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