i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
