Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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