I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
