I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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