I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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