I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
