very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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