Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
