We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
