don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
someone owes me an orgasm
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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