I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
