Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
