Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
