Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
