If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
