is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
