I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My cat gives me a boner
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
