You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
