I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
