i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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