i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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