If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
