based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize