Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize