My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
