It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Congratulations! We have a period
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