Already got asked if we're dating
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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