I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God, I missed his penis.
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