You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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