I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
