I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize