i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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