In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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