but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There r osticjed everywhere
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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