my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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