apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
