I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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