Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
