did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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