foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
