if only i could text you this smell
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
