Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
