this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i believe in u and ur pee
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
