so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
