Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
