Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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