She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize