So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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