the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
