A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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