dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
