I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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