The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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