Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
