He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
