they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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