No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
