You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
