whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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