Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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