Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
