the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
