Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
