**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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