How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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