then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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