Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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