Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
