He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Green mimosas i think yes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
