i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
