so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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