i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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