I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
